We’ve all made promises to ourselves that we haven’t kept. But have you noticed that those promises are usually smothered with self-hate, shame, and guilt?
“I have to work out [more].” – My body doesn’t deserve to be loved the way it is.
“That’s it. The diet starts Monday.” – I’m not doing enough. I am failing.
“This time is for real. I have to lose weight.” – I’m not good enough. I need to shrink myself to be beautiful.
…They come back every week, month, or year.
In an act of accountability, we pinky swear to ourselves that we will change the person we are instead of guiding her with love and kindness. The same words and self-sabotaging thoughts echo in our minds. No wonder we’re ignoring them.
I know a thing or two about guilt and shame. In fact, before I became a registered nutritionist, there was once a time that I felt guilt in every calorie I ate and shame in every angle of my body. Before I went on my food freedom journey, I refused to “waste calories” on chocolate, wine, or salad dressing. I only bought fat-free foods when there was an option. I ate before going out with friends because I couldn’t handle seeing the extra calories in my tracker.
I was ashamed of my non-flat tummy and hid in pictures. I even fasted before going on beach trips.
It’s easier to talk about today because I got out of that sinkhole, but it will always hurt to think about the days I wasted staring at my calorie tracker.
Pleasure foods had to be earned. Actually, pleasure was non-existent.
The me you know today? The cake baking, chocolate-loving girl you see?
She didn’t use to exist.
Grabbing a croissant on Sunday morning … just because? Impossible.
I wasn’t after pleasurable life moments or self-love. I wanted the lowest body fat percentage to give myself permission to be seen and loved.
Until then, nothing else mattered. 🥺
I reached a point where I wasn’t listening to my body, and it cost me. Oof.
So how did I become a nutritionist who fights for food freedom? Well, I learned better. I unlearned the toxic garbage that diet culture taught me was “right,” and the magic happened. Not magical weight loss – life.
I can now stand tall (all my 5’3”) and say that I have NO idea how many calories I’ve eaten today. 🍔 Life has meaning. Food has meaning. And being a nutritionist means that I can help others on their food freedom journey too so they don’t have to suffer like I did. Dismantling toxic diet culture is my ultimate goal that I strive for every day.
I’m not immune to down days, but you can bet that I don’t blame food or my body for them. Today I resort to the tools I developed, I go on with my day… and meals.
A few of my go-to favorites are tuning into my body cues, emotions, and needs.
No meal plans or intense workouts. Just mindfulness.
I am, to you, the ally I WISH I had back then. I want to make you feel just as good as I do.
