People love to make comments about other people’s bodies unabashedly.
Even among friends and family, these comments are so common and often unsolicited. This “dinner table shaming” hurts and can completely ruin any time spent with loved ones, but more importantly destroy your body image, confidence, and relationship with food.
Within some cultures, comments about bodies and eating habits seem“accepted” or perceived as “helpful” and “loving” (Hello, Lebanese woman here). There is sometimes even a generational gap within families that plays a role, particularly due to older generations having lived during the golden age of dieting.
So let’s take a look at what diet shaming looks like and how we can dodge it.
What does body shaming look like?
Body shaming doesn’t always come from a bad place; most of the time, these comments are said with good intentions, in an effort to raise awareness about your body, weight, or food choices. It’s usually intended to “help” you make more informed choices, and isn’t meant to shame you, even though that’s the end result.
The biggest concern with those comments is that they basically assign moral value to your body weight & size and attach that to health and wellness. So despite a possible good intention hides an effort to want to slim down or lose weight— essentially to make you “healthier.”
But this definition of “healthy” is inadequate and a fatphobic definition of health. In fact, body shaming could be so deeply instilled within you that it can taint the way you perceive or judge other bodies, without you even realizing it.
It can look like:
- You’re spending the day with your mom, and you put 2 or 3 sugars in your coffee and she comments, “Don’t you think one is enough?”
- You see a larger-bodied coworker eating fast food at their desk for lunch, and you think to yourself, “Hm, don’t think you should be eating that?”
- Your friends judge you for your food choices so you feel uncomfortable eating around them. For example, you order a salad when you’re with them instead of that cheeseburger that’s calling your name.
- You’re watching a movie with your family, and someone makes a negative comment about an actor’s weight, whether they’re too skinny or too fat.
…So, do you see a pattern?
But regardless, these random and unwanted judgments all do the same thing at the end of the day. It instills a wrong and fatphobic perception of health and our own bodies, including a shameful body image. These judgments put a lot of worth on your body’s shape and size. This leads to more self-judgment, which leads to a worse body image, which ultimately begins creating unhealthy eating habits.
Why does body shaming even happen?
Although some people would say that body shaming happens because of someone’s shape, size, or eating habits, the reasons behind body shaming are never the fault of the person being shamed. Those comments stem from insecurities and ingrained diet culture standards in society, and unfortunately, it’s become all too common for people to voice their judgments. The reasons can be that…
They’re restricting themselves— and are jealous that you aren’t. If you’re embracing your foodie heart and eating intuitively while your friend is forcing themselves to eat salad when you go out to dinner, they may pass judgment that stems from jealousy.
They have a goal weight in mind— and think it’s the same goal weight everyone else has set for themselves. Some people who make judgments based on what people eat do so because they haven’t grasped that their goals aren’t the same as everyone else’s. They may think it’s “common sense” that everyone would want to hit the same nutrition goals as them, but really those beliefs are just deeply ingrained diet culture standards!
They want to eat something diet culture has labeled “bad”— and want you to eat it too, so they don’t have to feel so guilty. Have you ever had a family member or friend push you to eat something that you don’t feel like eating just because they “don’t want to be the only one eating it?” When they have someone eating the same thing, they can justify their food choices (that they deem “bad”) more easily.
Why body shaming needs to stop
Hearing comments about our bodies and food has never done anyone any favors and are, in fact, harmful. Whether it’s “good intentions” or “out of love,” unsolicited comments are never okay because body shaming can lead to:
- A negative relationship with food
- Purposefully ignoring hunger cues
- Severely damaged body image & perception of self
- Going back on diets that can be harmful to our overall health
- Disordered eating patterns
- Develop eating disorders
That last one is, unfortunately, way too common. See why even the most minor comments can create lasting damage?
Changing the way we look at eating
What would we be left with if we took away all of the diets? Literally just…eating! Because eating is a natural, regular part of life and a response to our body’s needs for us to live. Intuitive eating is just that— eating as if diets never existed! Instead of rules and restrictions, it’s trusting your body’s satiety and hunger cues to know when to nourish without restricting what you eat.
But people who have been sucked into diet culture and have health and eating standards in their minds that they think everyone should adhere to, believing they can just trust their body sounds impossible.
But think about it— do we question our body for all the other processes it does for us, without thinking, on a daily basis? For example, we don’t tell our bodies to sweat, menstruate, or process food and liquids… So why do we doubt it when it comes to knowing when it needs nourishment? By listening to our body’s cues, we can control how much we eat without actually controlling anything— it’s about listening to when our bodies say it needs nourishment, just like any other normal body function.
How do we conquer body shaming?
Body shaming isn’t going to stop happening overnight, but an excellent place to start would be to always keep in mind that other people’s bodies are their own business, and their food relationship is up to their own choices. Not yours. And vice versa!
But, most likely, you’ll be faced with body shaming again at some point. When that happens, it’s best to know how to handle the situation. For example, when you’re faced with body-shaming comments, the best thing to do is have tools ready to shut down the conversation. Some of my favorites are:
- Straight up leaving the situation. Any time is a good time for a quick bathroom break, right? Remove yourself from the situation for a couple minutes so that the conversation naturally focuses elsewhere. Use that time to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are worthy and beautiful, and much more than a number on a scale.
- Changing the subject. When someone starts commenting on your food choices or your body, look for a way to divert the subject, like, “But can we talk about your nails!” or “I didn’t tell you about what happened to me last weekend”
- Call them out!! Tell them (bluntly or kindly, your choice!) that the comment is unasked for, and that your body and eating habits are none of their business and/or not a subject matter that you want to discuss. You can add a gentle twist with a “I know you’re coming from a good place, but…”
- Ignore it. Literally, pretend it was a fly on the wall. You don’t owe anyone an explanation!
Remember:
- No one has the right to make you feel unwell in your body or feel guilty or ashamed for how and what you eat.
- No one has the right to dictate your journey or process, wherever you are with trying to heal from toxic eating habits and patterns, regardless if you’re just starting out or further along in the process.
- Your body size, shape, or weight don’t define you or your health. You are allowed to live in your body freely and do whatever you please.
I know it’s not easy to undo all of the pain, self-consciousness, and damage those unsolicited comments that society and those around you have caused over the years.
But you deserve to eat, get dressed, and exist in the way that you and you alone want to— without unwanted comments and opinions from others.
The only person who has any say over your body and your nutrition is YOU!!!